My oldest just got kissed by a boy

I was having dinner with my family this evening, and everyone was finishing before me like usual. My wife took Margo, my youngest, into the bedroom to help her get into her pajamas and ready for bed. Audrey, who’s five, began telling me about how her and her friends have been working on improving a snow-fort on the playground that the fifth-graders had started. It turns out that when the older kids go in, my daughters kindergarten class comes out and they basically add to, or wreck the original design. I asked who she works on it with in my needling attempt to find out if she’s popular. She mentioned a few girls names and of course, Anders.

Anders is a boy who she sits next to in class. He’s had an obsession with her since the first week. I’m sure it was because he was nervous about making friends, so since she’s friendly he just clung to her. But now it’s turned into something unhealthy. He spends all his time around her to the point where the teacher warned us about how Audrey might be being “too nice” and not standing up for her self in telling him to go play with other kids. He also throws crying fits if they are split up into opposite teams during gym class. The gym teacher told us she will walk over to him and tell him it’s ok, and that it’s just for this one class. Amazingly sweet considering she’s such a jerk to her three year old sister.

But now something new has happened. Nick, another boy who Audrey calls “Hilarious, and handsome… he has blond hair.” Has started moving in on Anders territory. I guess he actually throws fits if Nick sits next to her in the lunch room. So Anders has stepped up his game. On the bus ride home, Anders said he wants to marry her. My first response was to bleat, “Aaaw.” Until Audrey said he kissed her on the arm. “He kissed you on the arm?” I said sternly. Audrey laughed, covering her smile with her hands. “Was that all? Did he kiss you anywhere else?” 

“Yeah, after I said ‘yuck!’ he kissed me on my cheek!”

That little son of a bitch.